June Bug Coffin's Quick Slants...

• I read where Charlie Weis is already hyping Notre Dame's game versus Washington (and former head coach Ty Willingham) at the end of September, calling it the "Ty Bowl". Many are admiring the new coach's approach to not "downplaying" what will be a very publicized match-up. I say he's smart for hyping the easiest game on the Irish's schedule. Washington was abyssmal last season and it doesn't matter what kind of speech old Ty gives them before the game, the Huskies will be out manned. Plus, prior to Washington, ND will face Pitt, Michigan, & Michigan State... UW will be a breather in comparison.
• There has been a lot of local media hype and hand-ringing by the fans due to PSU's recent string of bad luck this offseason. Is it just me or are Nittany Lion fans already bracing themselves for a train-wreck season? Call me a "happy jack" if you will but I don't see any loss here as that significant or any suspension that substantial that it will make any impact in the season's outcome.
• Regarding the loss of PSU wide receiver Mark Rubin for the season to an ankle injury... if he was such a key cog to the Lions, where was he last year? I say less Rubin means more catches for freshman phenom Derrick Williams.
• Whatever happened to... Abdullah the Butcher?
• I hope Pirates rookie sensation Zach Duke isn't getting too comfortable with his surroundings in Pittsburgh... I'll bet dollars to donuts he'll be gone before the all-star break next summer.
• Best reality show on TV, bar none... Dog the Bounty Hunter
• Rumor has it that regional (ACC & SEC) college football network, JP Sports, has teamed up with Brooks & Dunn to produce a "Hank Williams-MNF" type opening for their games while ESPN has tapped Big & Rich for the opener of College Gameday. Coincedentally, the two country music duos are on tour together right now with Big & Rich opening up for Brooks & Dunn... so if you're keeping score at home that's ESPN=opening act, JP Sports=main event.
• When is Adult Swim going to put together some new episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force? My DVR is getting sick of same 5 episodes over and over.
• It seems like there are a million "Trading Spaces" style home improvement shows on. You'd think I could sucker just one of them into renevating my backyard.
• Who are these people that use blogs as a way of documenting their every daily activity? Have they never heard of a diary?
• Last Best Thing I Purchased From Costco... Package of 15, Quarter Pound Turkey Burgers - $9.99
• VH1's 40 Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs... Ever chose Europe's Final Countdown as #1. As someone who grew up playing air guitar to that album, I take offense.

SI.com provides crack to their columnists...

For someone who thinks Joepa's all washed up, he sure does get a lot of material out of him...

The world's biggest dip-shit, Stewart Mandel, who just a month ago wrote a column in which he picked Joe Paterno as one of the worst coaches in college football (see blog entry "Stewart Mandel in an Arse"), has recently chimed in with two more columns on the nation's most esteemed coach. The first is a retrospective photo-essay on Joepa's top 10 career moments. Check it out, the photos are cool and bring back some great memories. Although I think we should wait until Joe's finished to start choosing top tens. Something tells me this list will need to make room for a few more moments in the next few seasons to come.

More thought provoking though is Mandel's take on Joe's 5 Potential Successors. This piece is more indicative of Mandel's schmuck-like nature. I've bolded those picks that are crack-induced. Here's his list...

1. Penn State Def. Coord. Tom Bradley - I actually agree with this and think this is the most logical successor. Bradley isn't too old, isn't too young, has been with the program for a long time, and is an awesome recruiter. I think he would carry on Joe's "great experiment" and start his own long tradition of winning success.
2. Former Cleveland Brown head coach, Butch Davis- Huh? What kind of wacky-tobaccy are they passing around at SI.com. There is no way on God's green earth Buth Davis will ever end up coaching the Nittany Lions. Jackie Sherrill has a better shot at the job.
3. Virginia D-Coord. Al Golden - First question, if PSU was going to hire a D-Coord. for the job why would they consider anyone other than Bradley? I know Golden used to play at PSU but so did Phil Yeboah-Cody and he isn't going to be coaching PSU anytime soon either.
4. Iowa head coach, Kirk Ferentz - I know this is the popular school of thought among chat-room folks out there but let me just say this... it ain't gonna happen. The next move for Ferentz will be to the NFL not to another Big Ten school.
5. PSU assistant, Jay Paterno - Yet another wild rumor that Joe is grooming his son to be his successor. Does this sound right to anyone with a brain? What would indicate that Joe wants Jay to be the next head coach? The fact that he demoted him last fall? I, for one, don't pin all of Penn State's offensive sorrows on Jay. The man only calls the pass-plays for crying out loud. If the players can't get open, it doesn't matter which play you call. It won't work. I know he was the recruiting coordinator during PSU's slide the past few years but I don't believe Jay is to blame for that anymore than I believe current recruiting coordinator Mike McQueary is the reason for PSU's current recruiting success.

To summarize, 4 out of 5 Mandel picks are worthless. Truth is Bradley is going to get this job. It's his to lose. He makes the most sense, is the most qualified, and fits the mold the best. Don't think for a second that Joe won't have and should have the final say on his successor.

Beyond him the only other name on my short wishlist of potential coaches is former PSU D-Coordinator Jerry Sandusky.... Pipe dream, I know.

It's Like "Da Mayor" Always Says...

"Doctor, Always do the right thing." Looks like the Rooney's were listening!

Ward to End Hold Out, Steelers to Sign Contract Extension

Stop The Mascot Insanity!!!

Now that Beano Cook has weighed in on the Native American collegiate mascot hoopla it's time for the only opinion that matters on this subject... mine.

As someone who, quite possibly, could be 1/16th Native American I feel like I should have a say in whether or not Florida State, Illinois, etc. need to change their mascots/ nicknames. I've thought long and hard about it and spoken with some of my 1/16th-Native American brothers and the concensus is this... keep the mascots. Personally, I doubt if I would even know what a "Seminole" was if not for Florida State. And aren't a lot of towns, cities and states named after tribes too? Do we need to change those as well? Instead of Illinois, the state will now be called New Scotland or something.

Frankly, if we're going to start changing college mascots we need to start with an area a little more pressing. We need to be changing one of the 5 million or so "Wildcats" into something more original. (How about the Northwestern "Purple Cobras"?) Here are some college mascots that need some work...

• Syracuse Orange. They dropped the "men" at the end a few years ago to be more PC. They should have added "Crush". Just think of the natural sponsorship tie-ins!
• Pitt Panthers. (You knew I had to pick on Pitt!) Ahh yes, I've heard the stories of the legendary panthers that use to roam the North Side and pounce on diners outside the Oakland Primanti's. How about a mascot more indigenous to their surroundings, like the Pitt Polish Sausages?
• Temple Owls. If you're going to pick a bird mascot, don't pick one as lame as the "Owl". Try something like the condor or the puffin.
• Stanford Cardinal. Their mascot is a tree and their nickname is a color... leave it to all those tree-hugging liberals on the left coast to come up with that crap. Better yet, why not just change the name to the Stanford Communist-Sympathizers? The mascot can be the beheaded statue of Lenin!
• USC Trojans & Michigan State Spartans. If we're going to change nicknames/mascots because they are offensive we should change these too. I'm sure there are some descendents of these folks who are outraged everytime "Sparty" the Spartan takes the field.

But there is one mascot we can all agree upon... the rugged, original, and classic Nittany Lion! Quite simply the most kick-ass mascot in the world...

Roar Lions Roar!!

Top Ten (Non- PSU) Games I Can't Wait To See

With every passing day we move closer and closer to the start of the 2005 college football season. As excited as I am to see my Nittany Lions turn it around this year (and they will), I am just slightly less excited for some of the following match-ups. Some of these have personal significance (for instance my dislike of Pitt) and some are just going to be flat-out great games. Feel free to chime in on your thoughts and picks...


1. Notre Dame Vs. Pitt - September 3. I have inherited the Irish through marriage and because of their recent underdog status it has been fun to watch them and easy to cheer for them. Pitt is like that annoying little kid you knew growing up that always wanted to play with the bigger kids but cried to mommy when he got knocked down and skinned his knee. This year they claim to be "back" under new coach Dave Wannestedt... where have I heard that before. Here's hoping Charlie Weis and the Irish bring the Panthers back to reality, big time.

2. Boise State Vs. Georgia - September 3. No one is talking about this game. Everyone seems absolutely certain that the Bulldogs will roll right over the out-manned Broncos. Excuse me? Has no one been paying attention to college football that past 5 years? BOISE STATE is for real! This is my 5-star, double lock of the year, Boise State will cover whatever spread is on this game. The boys from the blue turf know full well that this will be the biggest game in their school's history. Georgia will be taking Boise lightly. Don't be surprised if the Broncos steal the win between the hedges.

3. Wake Forest Vs. Nebraska - September 10. the Demon Deacons picked the perfect time to visit the Big Red nation. Their program is still in flux and Wake has been surging in recent years. What will be interesting to see is how the Huskers defend against an offense very similiar to their old style. I predict a close one, right down to the wire.

4. Bowling Green Vs. Boise State - September 21. A rare Wednesday night treat. This game could be 75-74 final. Give the edge to the Broncos and their stellar home record, factor in the fact that this will probably end up on ESPN (where Boise always shines), and this could be one of the most entertaining games of the year.

5. BYU Vs. Notre Dame - October 22. Nothing like a good Catholics Vs. Mormons battle. This will be ND's first "easy" game after playing Pitt, Michigan, Mich State, Purdue, and USC.

6. Florida Vs. South Carolina - November 12. "Darth Visor" against his old team. This one will be fun to watch no matter how both teams are doing to this point. SC has the home field but the Gators have the better talent. Could come down to one big play at the end.

7. Texas Vs. Ohio State - September 10. I'd never thought I'd hear myself say this but... "Hook 'em Horns!"

8. Pitt Vs. Louisville - November 3. Pitt visits Papa John Stadium and gets smacked around by eventual Big East champs, Louisville.

9. Kansas St. Vs. Marshall - September 10. What in the world was K-State thinking taking a game AT Marshall? The Herd will be solid again and this could get embarassing for the Wildcats.

10. Vandy Vs. Wake Forest - September 1. First game of the season. Aaaahh, you can smell it in the air. Plus, both teams will be surprisingly well matched and this will be close. I'm hoping the Commodores roll out with a win.

Why College Football Fans Are Idiots...

I love college football. To me it is by far the greatest sport of them all. I love the fact that there are 117 schools competing. I love the upsets (except when my Nitts are on the losing end). I love the traditions. I love that there are "big games" each week which makes the whole season one giant playoff. Coincedentally, I'm probably one of the few college football fans who doesn't really care that there isn't a post-season playoff. I love the bowl games. From the New Orleans Bowl to the Rose Bowl, they're all great. I wish there were more. I look at it as one of the reasons college football is so unique and special... but I digress.

One of the things that is so great about college football (and really any sport for that matter) are the debates... Who would win if so and so played so and so? Do you think we'll get blah-blah-blah recruit? Etc, etc. But one thing I can't stand about college football fan debates are the idiots. Fans who change their attitudes/opinions with the direction of the wind. Short-sighted idiots who never look at the big picture. I think it has a lot to do with the chat room/sports talk culture we live in these days. People feel they have this entitlement to tell other people what they are doing wrong... and yes, I recognize the irony of saying that in a "Blog". I bring this up because for a while now I've had to endure an onslaught of criticism of my beloved Nittany Lions and their legendary coach, Joe Paterno. I'm just completely bugged out by "fans" who are constantly negative about the Lions and just want to see Joepa fired. They point to programs like USC and Oklahoma and say, "Why can't we be more like them?" So it occured to me, do all of these schmucks suffer from long term memory loss? You can look at every "great" program in the country and point to a time in their not to distant past when they were less than stellar. Many for a good long time. I found a great resource for www.cfbdatawarehouse.com. Here's a quick breakdown...

1. USC. Does everyone forget the Larry Smith - John Robinson-Paul Hackett era of the 90s when the Trojans were perennial PAC-10 also-rans? I remember when the excuse for USC being so bad was the fact that they were located near Compton, CA. Here's some low-lights...

• 1991: 3-8 (Including a loss to Memphis!)
• 1992: 6-5-1 (Tied San Diego St)
• 1999: 6-6
• 2000: 5-7

2. Oklahoma. Another team that has achieved "flavor of the month" status but until Bob Stoops arrived... they sucked out loud for years!!

• 1995: 5-5-1
• 1996: 3-8(Lost to TCU, Tulsa, San Diego St, & Kansas to start the season)
• 1997: 4-7 (Lost to Kansas again and beat Baylor by 1 freakin' point)
• 1998: 5-6

3. Nebraska. These guys were unstoppable in the 90s and then fired their coach because the fans were dissatisfied with 9 wins... that makes a ton of sense.

• 2004: 5-6 (including a loss to Southern Miss)

4. Miami. The Hurricances have always seemed to be on top... but in 1997 a Butch Davis led Hurricane team finished a disappointing 5-6 with losses to the likes of Pitt & West Virginia.

5. Ohio State. The John Cooper era was full of up and down seasons. Including:

• 1988: 4-6-1 (with losses to Pitt & Indiana)
• 1999: 6-6

That doesn't even include the well documented shortcomings of programs such as Notre Dame and Alabama.

The bottom line is this no one is "entitled" to anything and sooner or later a few bad seasons happen to every program. I'm okay with people who are critical of the Lions/Joepa following a game or a season but the idiotic dog-piling that has gone on for over 2-years now is ridiculous.

Go Lions!

My New Favorite Comic Strip is 'Ziggy'...

The Pens keep stock-piling the talent and look to easily become the team most improved by the new NHL CBA. This past weekend the Penguin's acquired All-Star winger Ziggy Palffy and add to a roster chock-full of high scoring talent. Let's recap shall we...

• Pens won the Crosby lottery and select the phenom #1 overall
• Pens sign offensive, defenseman Sergei Gonchar
• Pens add 40+ goals per season in Ziggy Palffy
• The greatest EVER, #66 is well rested and ready for one more Stanley Cup push
• The Reckin' Ball, Mark Recchi returns to help fill up the net
• Phenom #2, Malkin should be on a plane from Russia very soon
• Returning leading goal scorer Ryan Malone... check
• Perennial under-achiever but super-talented Milan Kraft... check

Are there enough pucks to go around in Pittsburgh?

I can't speak for the rest of NHL fans but speaking as a Penguins fan here's what I can't wait to see this season...

• I can't wait see Mario dish to Sidney (across 2-lines without a penalty, mind you) in the open ice for a break-away goal.
• I can't wait to see Andre Roy give Matthew Barnaby a nice knuckle sandwich.
• I can't wait to see the Recchi-Lemieux-Crosby-Palffy-Gonchar power play.
• I can't wait to see the first overtime shootout where #66 buries the game winner.
• I can't wait to see the headline, "Pens beat Philly, 10-5".
• I can't wait hear Mike Lang's first "Scratch my back with a hacksaw."
• I can't wait to see the Pens in the playoffs... again.

"The Loney Watch"... who will be next?

The stories you are about to read are true. Neither has been fabricated or embellished in anyway. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. These are the tales of two cousins and their chance meetings with a once famed, now obscure Pittsburgh Penguin.

The first encounter happened over one year ago, on the small island of St. Lucia in the south Caribbean. My wife and I had just begun our honeymoon at the beautiful and secluded Jalousie Resort. The island and resort were awesome although surprisingly there were not many Americans there, mostly Europeans. Around 8pm our first night on the island, we stroll over to one of the resort restaurants for dinner. We are seated on a quiet deck away from the main dining area and noise of the band that was playing that evening. My wife and I are enjoying a drink and our view of the ocean when the couple at the table next to us caught my attention.

There was nothing unusually special about them other than they seem to be lacking the British accent I had now grown accustomed to hearing on the island. However, there was something oddly familiar about the gentlemen. He had reddish-blonde hair, an athletic build, and a very familiar face. I immediately began scanning my mental rollidex of faces/names and after 2 or 3 minutes of pondering it hit me. This was former Pittsburgh Penguin and Stanley Cup winner, Troy Loney! I was struck by the randomness of the siting but at the same time excited that I remembered who he was and that, in my mind anyway, we were dining with someone famous.

I leaned into my wife and asked, "Do you know who that is next to us?"

"No. Who?" she replied.

"That's Troy Loney!" I exclaimed, as if my wife would have even a clue who Troy Loney is, let alone be impressed by his presence.

"I don't know who Troy Loney is." my Michigan born-bride said plainly.

I immediately began to explain who he was, his significance to the Stanley Cup winning Penguins, and even told her about his string of consecutive games with a goal and what was known as the "Loney Watch". My wife was not nearly as impressed as I was and I knew that I would have to wait until I returned to the States and tell all my Pittsburgh Penguin brethren in order to get the appropriate reaction.

The spotting of Troy Loney in St. Lucia seemed, at the time, like a completely random event that would go down as a chance meeting. I know now that there is something more cosmic involved with my meeting and that the "Loney Watch" has more significant meaning than it did in the mid-90s. You will understand better after hearing this second story as told through the words of my cousin (and longtime Penguins fan) Harry Vargo...

I was at a meeting this past week in Pittsburgh. It was a finalist meeting for a company that was looking for pharmacy benefits. There were three groups presenting I was in the middle group. We got to the meeting about 15 minutes early. I was pretty excited to be in the Burgh it always feels special each time I go through the Squirrel Hill tunnel and eventually make my way towards downtown. When I finally see the stadium it is like being a little kid again. I just get excited. I almost get in an accident everytime I cross one of the bridges because I am always looking back at the stadium just trying to take it all in. I was getting excited and it is only August. But I digress. So I am in the reception area of this manufacturing building when all of the sudden the doors open and the group that was presenting first is starting to leave. I was eyeing them up trying to gauge the competition. I start looking at each of the people coming out when a tall guy, about 6'1 with shoulder length blondish/reddish hair walks out. I know this guy but I can't put a name to him. He walks over to me and says, "We are in trouble they are way taller than we are." I just smile and say hi but I can't quite place him. The group leaves and I am still thinking who is this guy. As we walk into the meeting the sales leader turns to me and says,"Do you know who that is?" I say no but I know I know him. He says that the person that I am competing for business against is none other than Troy Loney. The Loney Watch is back. Apparently he is selling pharmacy benefits now, definitely a step up in his career path. He looked a lot smaller than I thought he would be. None the less it was Troy Loney. My mind starts racing. I am competing against Troy Loney and it is time to put the game face on. I give one of the best presentations I have ever given. I was like a spark plug. I was untouchable, I had this group spinning with my knowledge. As I concluded my presentation I asked if there were any questions. After a few more dazzling answers I thank the group for having me and I say, "I want to say one last thing, I guarantee Troy Loney did not give a clinical presentation like I just gave you." The room went crazy they were laughing like crazy. I think I heard Dr. Who in the background. Not sure if we will get the business, but if we don't I know it is not because Troy Loney outperformed me.

So there it is folks. Two seemingly unrelated, unconnected chance encounters by two blood relatives (and Penguins fans) with a semi-famous ex-Pittsburgh Penguin. It is clear that there is a higher power at work here. The only thing left to say is...

"The 'Loney Watch' is on. Who will be next?"

It goes together like college football and fast food...

They say imitation is the sincerist form of flattery. If that's the case then the person responsible for sexy-results.blogspot.com should be blushing right about now.

In this blog (thanks to my good friend, Abe "the WolfPack are Back" Mathew for the forward) this guy matches up college football programs with hip-hop stars. It's definitely worth the read, even if you don't have any idea who half these rappers are. FYI, PSU is hip-hop founder KRS-One. Check out the blog for the rationale why.

So here's my take on that topic... College Football Programs and the fast food chains that most closely resemble them.

McDonald's and Miami (FL)









Both are giants in their respective fields but poor management has required them to reinvent their brand several times over. You can't go 3 feet without running into one (be it an NFL lockerroom or city street) and a lot of their final products are of questionable integrity (Ray Lewis=McRib) even if they are really good!

Bojangles and Wake Forest









Small southern brands. Most people disrespect them when they see the goofy logo for the first time but give them a shot and they will make you a fan. Can't visit them/watch them on a consistent basis because their product isn't always top quality. Head to head with the big dogs in their field and they can hold their own.

Burger King and Syracuse











Used to be a contender with the big boys, now they are distant also-rans. Both have out-dated facilities and goofy mascots.

Subway and Maryland








Burst into national prominence in recent years after a fat guy took over as spokesman/coach. Friedgen tried to lose the weight, Jared did. They always promise a fresh alternative to what's out there but in the end they're always a disappointment.

Texas and Pizza Hut








Every year there's something new to hype. Big new recruiting class, new cheese stuffed something or other. In the end it's the same results, a mediocre product that makes you sick to your stomach.



Alabama and KFC







Longtime national powers, now trying to find their edge again. They both still have a natural advantage over their competition but still can't seem to get it done. Both have recently tried a new look (Bama=Shula, KFC=Logo) to shake things up.

Pitt and Hardees









Can't get folks through the doors. New look, same crap product. Always think they are in competition with the big boys when in reality they are second class citizens. Use flashy performers to sell their otherwise dwindling brand. (Larry Fitzgerald=Paris Hilton)

I'll admit my list isn't quite as in-depth as sexy-results but mine makes you want a big greasy burger and fries. Feel free to add your own. More comparisons to come...

"All We Are Saying... Is Give M-Rob a Chance"

As the college football season quickly approaches its time for what has become an annual tradition for fair-weather PSU fans... bash Joe Paterno and Penn State. In a recent "PA Homestyle Sports" Blog on PennLive.com new blogger, Steven Ibanez picks up where his predecessor, Mark Bodenrader, left off.

What JoePa and JayPa have managed to do with PSU's recruiting classes is
embarrassing. If they can't pull out a winning season this year, Pitt might
really dominate recruiting.

Huh? What's really "embarrassing" are these "critics" who quickly forget all that Joe has accomplished and how, even in the past few year's struggles, he's still managed to recruit some of the greatest talent in the country.

Ibanez goes on to jump on starting QB Michael Robinson. Pointing to a review of the Nitts on Badgernation.com of all places. His opinion? The Lions should make the move to Sophmore, Anthony Morelli ASAP. OOO, so original.

Look, I for one would love it if Anthony Morelli were the second coming of Dan Marino. Fact is, he's not ready. M-Rob is talented enough to be an effective starting QB at PSU. However, you can't judge him by his previous performances behind center. Robinson was asked to juggle too many roles/positions and was never quite settled in to be an effective QB when called upon. Time will tell whether M-Rob will excel as a starting QB or wind up as a WR. You just can't judge him before he's had a fare shot.

Finally, with the announcement of the retirement of Wisconsin head coach Barry Alzarez, the press is already fawning over the phenomenal job he has done in Madison and swirling around Joepa asking why he doesn't follow Barry out the door. No disrespect to Coach Alvarez, I think he's a fine coach, but how many national championships did he win at Wisconsin? None. How many undefeated seasons has he had during his 15-year tenure as head coach of the Badgers? None. I'm still shocked by the incredible short sightedness of some "Penn State fans" and the press. Coach Paterno did deserve to be criticized for his failings the past few seasons. However, in my opinion, what he's done for the program and university and his overall record demand that we give him a clean slate at the start of every season, for as long as we are fortunate enough to call him coach.

Steelers Begin Spiral into Insanity...

What is up with Kevin Colbert and the Rooneys? They don't even realize the incredible mistake they are making.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've always admired the Rooneys because they seemed to have their act together. Very principled, very team focused. That's what you're looking for in football team and that's what you have in #86, Hines Ward. Quite simply, the best player the Steelers have seen since the glory years of the 70s.

The Steelers have officially stopped negotiating with Hines because he hasn't reported to camp. Hines won't report to camp without a new contract. Why? Simply because the Rooneys couldn't get a deal worked out in the 12-months since calling Hines "THE PRIORITY" of this off-season. There is nothing more infuriating than this as a fan.

The Steelers are willing to play without Ward, why? Because that's their policy. Ever heard of the exception to the rule? Well, Hines Ward is THE definition of "exception to the rule".

By the way Mr. Rooney, how many TD catches are you planning to get out of those "policies" this fall!!

Knock off the B.S. already!! Get this deal done.