Reviving the Blog: This One's For Joe...

It's been quite a while since I've posted here, and for good reason, free time has been at a premium this past few months. However, with today's news of Joe Paterno bringing home AP "Coach of the Year" honors with a phenomenal 2005 campaign that saw the Lions come within 1-second of a perfect season, I had to find time in my day to "post one for Joepa."

The time for "I told you so's" have passed. For a long-admitted Joe Paterno loyalist this past season was gratifying and fulfilling. So I will let by-gones be by-gones and no longer track down those friends, sports writers, and fair weather PSU fans who called for Joe's job when the going got tough the past few years. Instead I will take this time to pay tribute to the man, who at the ripe old age of 79, delivered Nittany Nation once again to the top of the college football mountain.

In one of my all-time favorite Joe Paterno speeches, Joepa describes a man with good character as 'someone who doesn't follow fashion but blazes his own path. Someone who has a a clear sense of who he is and where he is going.' No better words exist than those to describe Coach Joe Paterno.

So thanks Joe for being the VERY BEST EVER... Thanks for deciding to try out coaching instead of law school as your parents would have liked. Thanks for sticking it out in remote State College, PA when the big money of the NFL came calling. Thanks for having the faith to build the "grand experiment". Thanks for looking your detractors in the eye and telling them "I'm not going anywhere." Thanks for 40+ years of unbelievable memories for Penn State alumni and fans everywhere.

Thanks Joe.

The Weekend that WASN'T...

This past weekend has left me with an unsatisfied and bitter taste in my mouth.

Let's recap, shall we?

Game #1 PSU-Michigan
In what was the crown jewel of my football weekend, a win here would have left every other game a moot point. Alas, Penn State came up short and more to the point Lloyd Carr weaseled his way into this ridiculous "W". After the game I watched all the highlight shows expecting at least someone, anyone to point out that Michigan's game winning last play with 1-second on the clock was made possible by Carr's lobbying for 2 more seconds to be added moments earlier. Or by the fumble that was, but wasn't reviewed on the final drive. Or the seemingly countless favorable spots U of M received throuh the whole game. NOTHING! In typical HypESPN fashion only the slick highlights and Manninghams TD catch were the story.

It's one thing to lose on the road to Michigan. It's another thing to get totally jobbed out of an undefeated season.

Commence the bitterness.

Game #2 USC-Notre Dame
Through the miracles of modern technology (and by wheeling a second TV screen into the living room), I was able to watch the Golden Domers battle it out with USC at the same time PSU was getting hosed at the Big House. This was another thriller. In fact the two games shared similar ebbs & flows during the final moments...

M-Rob slices through for the go ahead TD, B-Quinn does likewise. PSU gives up a long play in the final minute, Notre Dame does likewise. Michigan gets time put back on the clock, USC does likewise. Michigan converts a TD for the win, USC does likewise.

Bitterness building to an all-new level.

Game #3 Jaguars-Steelers
For the trifecta, the Steelers were able to take a sure OT win and turn it into a crushing OT loss.

In spite of the unbelievably poor play of QB Tommy Maddox, Pittsburgh fought it's way to OT against the Jags. Coin flip, Steelers win! Kickoff returned to the Jacksonville 35-yard line! Sweet! Run Jerome Bettis up-the-gut a couple of times and set up the Jeff Reed game winner. NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! How about a Tommy Maddox fumble, followed by a Tommy Maddox INT for a Jacksonville game winning TD instead.

I'm now the mayor of Bitter-town.

... a weekend like this needs to be crumpled up and thrown in the trash. No sense in dwelling on this kind of bitterness. There's always next week and there's always Illinois.

Open Mouth... Insert Foot

Stewart Mandel of SI.com... come on down!

Ron Cook of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette... your crap-burger is ready.

All the Chat-room "sad jacks"... the line for the bandwagon starts way back there.


It's time to take your medicine folks. All you nay-sayers who whined that Joepa was washed up... That he couldn't recruit anymore... That his system and schemes were too out-dated... That his son Jay didn't know what he was doing... That had PSU marked down for 3-4 win season at best... LET THE CROW EATING BEGIN!

I debated on whether or not to let bye-gones be bye-gones, welcome you back to the family with open arms, but instead I think I'll let you blow in the wind a little.

I think ESPN.com's Pat Forde says it best...

"Being Penn State means being a player on the national scene once again. It means a 5-0 record for the first time since 1999, the end of an 11-game losing streak against ranked opponents, an impending national ranking, a ton of hype for Ohio State's arrival next Saturday and happy chants echoing through Happy Valley. It means the Nittany Lions stand alongside Alabama, Nebraska and Notre Dame in the Resurgent Old Money Program department."

So, see you later suckers! Enjoy your nice fat slice of humble-pie. Served up, Joepa style!

JBC Quick Slants...

• What ever happened to "street magician" David Blaine? Do you think he's still frozen in ice somewhere?
• What does it say about Pitt's season when they are "EVEN" against the spread with conference opponent Rutgers? Secondly, what does it say about Pitt football that this is the second week this season that they'll be playing on Friday night?
• The Steelers loss at home to the Patriots last Sunday was one of the most frustrating things I've ever watched. Can someone explain to me why Coach Cowher didn't burn his last timeout to give his team a few more ticks at the end of the game? Did he honestly think Vinateri was going to miss inside of 35 yards?
• Since Stephen A. Smith has his own show on ESPN2 now it's just a matter of time before we see "The Beano Cook Jiggling Neck Hour" (brought to you of course by "Beano" digestion pills and the Notre Dame Football Boosters.)
• Best new show of the year... "My Name is Earl"
• Why do the photos of sports columnists always look like dorky yearbook photos? Secondly, why do newspapers think we need to see their ugly arses at all? I guess so we can imagine what it would be like to pummel Ron Cook or Bob Smizik after reading their ridiculous rants.
• Old school shout-out of the day... "Kool Moe Dee in the House!!!"
• The Penguins finally won a preseason game Tuesday. What does this mean?... I have NO freakin' idea.
• June Bug Coffin's Hastily Prepared Top Five List...

5. Vanderbilt Commodores. 4-0 and looking like they'll be 5-0 after this week. That sets up big time showdown with LSU next Saturday... I never thought I'd ever utter the words "Vanderbilt" ande "big time showdown" in the same sentence in my life.

4. Wisconsin Badgers. (Also 4-0) Thank you for the toppling of the maize & blue! Now please fade into Big Ten obscurity.

3. Penn State's Michael Robinson. The much maligned QB delivered in the clutch against Northwestern. Reminded me of Thompson to Fields .

2. Michigan State's offense. Yowza! I'm glad we don't play them until the last week of the season. Hope you put another hurtin' on the Wolverines this week.

1. Mentions of Matt Leinart's Class Schedule. If I have to hear one more FREAKIN' time that he is only taking "Ballroom Dancing" this semester... I will literally strangle Brett Musberger (even if he's not the one that says it).

"Just Win Baby."

I have to admit I was in doubt when my Nittany Lions faced a 4th & 15, down by 2 in the final moments of Saturday's game at Northwestern. The entire game brought back flashes of the past few seasons of futility. I just knew this was going to be more of the same. But then something unexpected happen... Penn State found itself.

The Nittany Lions found that winning "we can do it" attitude that for the past 3 seasons, they only spoke of in post-game press conferences. They found the talented players who can beat defenses deep. Michael Robinson found his niche as a leader. Jay Paterno found the right passing plays to call. Penn State found a win where in the recent past there had been bitter defeat.

Just win baby!

Leading up to the game I had read articles and blogs demanding a 2-3 touchdown margin of victory over NW. I find that attitude insane and ridiculous on so many levels. Most importantly, PSU needed a win, nothing more and quite frankly, nothing less.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette jerk-wad Ron Cook believes that had Penn State been playing anyone else in the Big Ten, the outcome would have been different. Penn State, and in my opinion college football in general, is long past the era of "also-ran" conference opponents. Ask #9 Louisville about "also-ran" South Florida. Ask Ole Miss & Arkansas about "also-ran" Vanderbilt. I'm not a college football expert (not that any of these sports reporting yeah-hoos are either) but I know that on any given Saturday regardless of the spreads, last week's results, and season record that a conference opponent is dangerous, especially on the road.

In my humble opinion, Penn State can gain more from this close win than they would have from a 3 touchdown blowout. This win can give this team the confidence they need to springboard into a big season.

Only the Opponents Blood on the Field Will Suffice...

Browsing around the normal Penn State blogs and columns I notice an on-going trend in thinking on this season's Nittany Lions. That being, their 3-0 start isn't enough. In fact, even a win on Saturday on the road at Northwestern doesn't seem to suffice for the cynics, haters, and nay-sayers. Apparently, they want blood.

My all-time favorite "cup is half empty" blogger, Todd Sponsler, of the "50-Yard Lion" had this to say about his expectations for the upcoming Northwestern game...

"Seeing how ASU took NW behind the woodshed and shredded the purple defense for 700 some odd yards, I believe PSU has to win by at least two TDs. Fourteen
points. That, though, doesn't mean we're back. "

Easy there Slappy. How about we worry about winning the game?

Who really cares about what Arizona State was able to do against Northwestern? To place "margin of victory" expectations on this team is just ridiculous. Enjoy the streak we're on and don't look at every game through a freakin' microscope.

Go Lions! Beat the Wildcats (by any margin)!

June Bug Coffin's (Even More) Quick Slants...

• Good to see Penn State's offense find some success and finally put some points up on the board. Three phenomenal freshmen receivers which have absolutely played up to expectations. One more tune up until the Big Ten season starts!
• What's the deal with ESPN and their utterly confusing college football broadcast schedule. I think its great that their producing all these games but with 10 million ESPN outlets (ESPN, ESPNU, ESPN360, etc.) it's like sensory overload. Plus, ESPN Gameplan is scheduled to produce the CMU-PSU game this weekend yet there's no sign of it on DirecTV or Gameplan's upcoming schedule... huh?
• Speaking of ESPN... who was the genius that added Nick Lachey and Lou Holtz to their college football coverage? One has absolutely nothing of value to say, the other has a ridiculous speech impediment that makes him impossible to listen to. You might as well have added Justin Timberlake and Elmer Fudd.
• Old school mullet of the day: Ricky Morton of the Rock n Roll Express...
• The "I Saw This Coming All Along Award" goes to Ron 'Jaws' Jaworski who claimed on PTI that he always knew undrafted Steeler RB Willie Parker would be a star. Whatever Jaworski, you schmuck.
• Jun Bug Coffin's Hastily Compiled College Football Top Five List...

• 1. Vanderbilt Commodores - 2-0 with two come from behind victories. Next up Ole Miss... Go Dores, Go!

  2. Penn State Freshmen Wide Receivers - Any truth to the rumor that D-Will got pulled over for speeding while jogging across campus?

  3. SMU - by the algebraic property of transference if SMU beat TCU who beat Oklahoma... SMU is better than Oklahoma.

  4. Dave Wannestadt's mustache - I think if Wanny loses the crumb-catcher, Pitt will win-out this season.

  5. Lynn Swann's run for the Pennsylvania Governor's Mansion - Here's hoping #88 makes a diving leap for the touchdown over Ed Rendell in the next election.

The Seedy Under-belly of Penn State Football...

In what can be dubbed the State College equivalent of Watergate, David Jones of the Patriot News sheds "light" on the latest activity with recently un-suspended star Penn State LB Dan Connor.


It seems Connor was merely a "pawn" in an on going power struggle between Coach Paterno and Penn State President Graham Spanier. Jones paints the picture of a tenuous relationship between Spanier and Paterno. (Which comes as a surprise to me seeing as how Spanier was eager to extend Joepa's contract a few years back, during PSU football's darkest days and the fact that Spanier seems to speak out frequently on the coach's behalf.) Jones even goes so far as to say...

The perception exists in the (Penn State Football Building) that Spanier's attack dogs in Judicial Affairs and the university police are bent on building a dossier of a
program "out of control," however valid such a folder might be.

To a slick university president, that's higher caliber ammo to present before the 32-member board of trustees this December or next than the gauche "we've been losing an awful lot lately." Spanier can sigh and say, "I hate to do this, but I think we have to act."

Gentlemen, start you conspiracy theories!

This whole thing is starting to sound like a "movie of the week" script. Frankly, I'm not sure I buy all that Jones is selling here. To say Joe threatened to quit if Connor's original punishment had been upheld seems far fetched at best. The incident with Connor may in fact have been Joe's way of sending a message to the players to quit acting like idiots. OR Penn State's Office of Judicial Affairs may have just wanted to flex their muscles at first but then realized on appeal that the punishment doesn't fit the crime... it happens everyday in our criminal justice system.

So what is the REAL truth behind all this? Why does Jones want to shine a big spotlight on an incident that seems to have handled itself? My opinion... David Jones wrote this article as retaliation for Coach Paterno's recent comments about the media. That may not be true but it sounds as good as the theory Jones is pitching.

Mike Meyers & Kanye West to drop a remix album...

I'm sure most everyone has seen or heard about the Kanye West tirade on MSNBC. If you have not seen the video you can check it out here. It's one of the most ironically funny things I've seen in a long time. The funniest part is watching Mike "Shrek" Meyers squirm as Kanye goes into an incoherent babbling on the state of affairs after Hurrican Katrina.

Kanye... my man... next time... use some index cards.

You gotta give credit to Mike Meyers though. He stood strong during Kanye's nonsensical rant and tried to bring it back to the script on the teleprompter. You just know every bone in his body was telling him to "exit stage left". God knows what he was thinking when Kanye dropped the old "George Bush doesn't care about black people" on live TV. He couldn't get out of that studio quick enough. Even Chris Tucker , who they cut to next, seemed disoriented by the whole ordeal.

I got to be honest. I'm a Kanye West fan. I like his music and I think he's got real talent. I just hate it when musicians that I like (i.e. Bruce Springsteen, the Dixie Chicks) feel the need to open their mouths and spout off about politics. It's just completely unnecessary. Kanye West's opinion has no more bearing on the situation than mine. He knows nothing about President Bush, other than what he sees on TV. But because he's a celebrity he feels the need to spew his nonsense when given a live TV venue. I'm quite sure thats not what the organizers of the event had in mind when they asked him to appear. They wanted as many famous people as they could to get to go on TV and ask America to donate to the Red Cross. Instead we get more gobbledy-gook from a celebrity who wants to use his 5-minutes in front of the camera to tell everybody what HE thinks. Bravo Kanye. We're all very impressed. Next time, save it for side B of your album.

Week One of the College Football Season "Quick Slants"...

• For some reason I feel humbled by Boise State's utter defeat to Georgia this weekend. I had predicted a Bronco upset but I guess the critics were right... Boise wasn't ready to play with the big boys.
• Am I the only Penn State fan who wishes they would ditch the shotgun for the old school I-formation? I think Tony Hunt/Austin Scott could really do some damage if they got the ball a little more regularly behind a fullback.
• ND's offense looked scary-good. What I wouldn't give to see those offensive lineman in blue & white.
• The "O" in Oklahoma stands for "Overrated"
• The Myron Cope "Jag Off" of the Week Award ... Texas Longhorns beating up on La-Lafayette. As if its not bad enough that half the team's family was washed out in the hurricane, Mack Brown felt the need to run it up on the Ragin' Cajuns. As always... classy move Mack.
• Hines & the Steelers finally came to terms on an extension. For Steeler fans everywhere I breath a sigh of relief and say, "Thank you."
• Derrick Williams certainly lived up to the hype in his debut. What was most impressive to me was his down field blocking and all around veteran-like performance.
• Jun Bug Coffin's Hastily Put Together Top Five List...
1. Teams with 3-letter abbreviations (TCU, UAB, etc.) - Now if only we can get SMU to come around...
2. Charlie Weis's offense - Simple, smart playaction passes and great run blocking.
3. DJ Shockley & Georgia - I'm sorry I ever doubted you.
4. Penn State's defense - As good as advertised.
5. Vanderdilt Commodores - First season opening victory in 8 years. Kudos to you VU!

June Bug Coffin's Quick Slants...

• I read where Charlie Weis is already hyping Notre Dame's game versus Washington (and former head coach Ty Willingham) at the end of September, calling it the "Ty Bowl". Many are admiring the new coach's approach to not "downplaying" what will be a very publicized match-up. I say he's smart for hyping the easiest game on the Irish's schedule. Washington was abyssmal last season and it doesn't matter what kind of speech old Ty gives them before the game, the Huskies will be out manned. Plus, prior to Washington, ND will face Pitt, Michigan, & Michigan State... UW will be a breather in comparison.
• There has been a lot of local media hype and hand-ringing by the fans due to PSU's recent string of bad luck this offseason. Is it just me or are Nittany Lion fans already bracing themselves for a train-wreck season? Call me a "happy jack" if you will but I don't see any loss here as that significant or any suspension that substantial that it will make any impact in the season's outcome.
• Regarding the loss of PSU wide receiver Mark Rubin for the season to an ankle injury... if he was such a key cog to the Lions, where was he last year? I say less Rubin means more catches for freshman phenom Derrick Williams.
• Whatever happened to... Abdullah the Butcher?
• I hope Pirates rookie sensation Zach Duke isn't getting too comfortable with his surroundings in Pittsburgh... I'll bet dollars to donuts he'll be gone before the all-star break next summer.
• Best reality show on TV, bar none... Dog the Bounty Hunter
• Rumor has it that regional (ACC & SEC) college football network, JP Sports, has teamed up with Brooks & Dunn to produce a "Hank Williams-MNF" type opening for their games while ESPN has tapped Big & Rich for the opener of College Gameday. Coincedentally, the two country music duos are on tour together right now with Big & Rich opening up for Brooks & Dunn... so if you're keeping score at home that's ESPN=opening act, JP Sports=main event.
• When is Adult Swim going to put together some new episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force? My DVR is getting sick of same 5 episodes over and over.
• It seems like there are a million "Trading Spaces" style home improvement shows on. You'd think I could sucker just one of them into renevating my backyard.
• Who are these people that use blogs as a way of documenting their every daily activity? Have they never heard of a diary?
• Last Best Thing I Purchased From Costco... Package of 15, Quarter Pound Turkey Burgers - $9.99
• VH1's 40 Most Awesomely Bad Metal Songs... Ever chose Europe's Final Countdown as #1. As someone who grew up playing air guitar to that album, I take offense.

SI.com provides crack to their columnists...

For someone who thinks Joepa's all washed up, he sure does get a lot of material out of him...

The world's biggest dip-shit, Stewart Mandel, who just a month ago wrote a column in which he picked Joe Paterno as one of the worst coaches in college football (see blog entry "Stewart Mandel in an Arse"), has recently chimed in with two more columns on the nation's most esteemed coach. The first is a retrospective photo-essay on Joepa's top 10 career moments. Check it out, the photos are cool and bring back some great memories. Although I think we should wait until Joe's finished to start choosing top tens. Something tells me this list will need to make room for a few more moments in the next few seasons to come.

More thought provoking though is Mandel's take on Joe's 5 Potential Successors. This piece is more indicative of Mandel's schmuck-like nature. I've bolded those picks that are crack-induced. Here's his list...

1. Penn State Def. Coord. Tom Bradley - I actually agree with this and think this is the most logical successor. Bradley isn't too old, isn't too young, has been with the program for a long time, and is an awesome recruiter. I think he would carry on Joe's "great experiment" and start his own long tradition of winning success.
2. Former Cleveland Brown head coach, Butch Davis- Huh? What kind of wacky-tobaccy are they passing around at SI.com. There is no way on God's green earth Buth Davis will ever end up coaching the Nittany Lions. Jackie Sherrill has a better shot at the job.
3. Virginia D-Coord. Al Golden - First question, if PSU was going to hire a D-Coord. for the job why would they consider anyone other than Bradley? I know Golden used to play at PSU but so did Phil Yeboah-Cody and he isn't going to be coaching PSU anytime soon either.
4. Iowa head coach, Kirk Ferentz - I know this is the popular school of thought among chat-room folks out there but let me just say this... it ain't gonna happen. The next move for Ferentz will be to the NFL not to another Big Ten school.
5. PSU assistant, Jay Paterno - Yet another wild rumor that Joe is grooming his son to be his successor. Does this sound right to anyone with a brain? What would indicate that Joe wants Jay to be the next head coach? The fact that he demoted him last fall? I, for one, don't pin all of Penn State's offensive sorrows on Jay. The man only calls the pass-plays for crying out loud. If the players can't get open, it doesn't matter which play you call. It won't work. I know he was the recruiting coordinator during PSU's slide the past few years but I don't believe Jay is to blame for that anymore than I believe current recruiting coordinator Mike McQueary is the reason for PSU's current recruiting success.

To summarize, 4 out of 5 Mandel picks are worthless. Truth is Bradley is going to get this job. It's his to lose. He makes the most sense, is the most qualified, and fits the mold the best. Don't think for a second that Joe won't have and should have the final say on his successor.

Beyond him the only other name on my short wishlist of potential coaches is former PSU D-Coordinator Jerry Sandusky.... Pipe dream, I know.

It's Like "Da Mayor" Always Says...

"Doctor, Always do the right thing." Looks like the Rooney's were listening!

Ward to End Hold Out, Steelers to Sign Contract Extension

Stop The Mascot Insanity!!!

Now that Beano Cook has weighed in on the Native American collegiate mascot hoopla it's time for the only opinion that matters on this subject... mine.

As someone who, quite possibly, could be 1/16th Native American I feel like I should have a say in whether or not Florida State, Illinois, etc. need to change their mascots/ nicknames. I've thought long and hard about it and spoken with some of my 1/16th-Native American brothers and the concensus is this... keep the mascots. Personally, I doubt if I would even know what a "Seminole" was if not for Florida State. And aren't a lot of towns, cities and states named after tribes too? Do we need to change those as well? Instead of Illinois, the state will now be called New Scotland or something.

Frankly, if we're going to start changing college mascots we need to start with an area a little more pressing. We need to be changing one of the 5 million or so "Wildcats" into something more original. (How about the Northwestern "Purple Cobras"?) Here are some college mascots that need some work...

• Syracuse Orange. They dropped the "men" at the end a few years ago to be more PC. They should have added "Crush". Just think of the natural sponsorship tie-ins!
• Pitt Panthers. (You knew I had to pick on Pitt!) Ahh yes, I've heard the stories of the legendary panthers that use to roam the North Side and pounce on diners outside the Oakland Primanti's. How about a mascot more indigenous to their surroundings, like the Pitt Polish Sausages?
• Temple Owls. If you're going to pick a bird mascot, don't pick one as lame as the "Owl". Try something like the condor or the puffin.
• Stanford Cardinal. Their mascot is a tree and their nickname is a color... leave it to all those tree-hugging liberals on the left coast to come up with that crap. Better yet, why not just change the name to the Stanford Communist-Sympathizers? The mascot can be the beheaded statue of Lenin!
• USC Trojans & Michigan State Spartans. If we're going to change nicknames/mascots because they are offensive we should change these too. I'm sure there are some descendents of these folks who are outraged everytime "Sparty" the Spartan takes the field.

But there is one mascot we can all agree upon... the rugged, original, and classic Nittany Lion! Quite simply the most kick-ass mascot in the world...

Roar Lions Roar!!

Top Ten (Non- PSU) Games I Can't Wait To See

With every passing day we move closer and closer to the start of the 2005 college football season. As excited as I am to see my Nittany Lions turn it around this year (and they will), I am just slightly less excited for some of the following match-ups. Some of these have personal significance (for instance my dislike of Pitt) and some are just going to be flat-out great games. Feel free to chime in on your thoughts and picks...


1. Notre Dame Vs. Pitt - September 3. I have inherited the Irish through marriage and because of their recent underdog status it has been fun to watch them and easy to cheer for them. Pitt is like that annoying little kid you knew growing up that always wanted to play with the bigger kids but cried to mommy when he got knocked down and skinned his knee. This year they claim to be "back" under new coach Dave Wannestedt... where have I heard that before. Here's hoping Charlie Weis and the Irish bring the Panthers back to reality, big time.

2. Boise State Vs. Georgia - September 3. No one is talking about this game. Everyone seems absolutely certain that the Bulldogs will roll right over the out-manned Broncos. Excuse me? Has no one been paying attention to college football that past 5 years? BOISE STATE is for real! This is my 5-star, double lock of the year, Boise State will cover whatever spread is on this game. The boys from the blue turf know full well that this will be the biggest game in their school's history. Georgia will be taking Boise lightly. Don't be surprised if the Broncos steal the win between the hedges.

3. Wake Forest Vs. Nebraska - September 10. the Demon Deacons picked the perfect time to visit the Big Red nation. Their program is still in flux and Wake has been surging in recent years. What will be interesting to see is how the Huskers defend against an offense very similiar to their old style. I predict a close one, right down to the wire.

4. Bowling Green Vs. Boise State - September 21. A rare Wednesday night treat. This game could be 75-74 final. Give the edge to the Broncos and their stellar home record, factor in the fact that this will probably end up on ESPN (where Boise always shines), and this could be one of the most entertaining games of the year.

5. BYU Vs. Notre Dame - October 22. Nothing like a good Catholics Vs. Mormons battle. This will be ND's first "easy" game after playing Pitt, Michigan, Mich State, Purdue, and USC.

6. Florida Vs. South Carolina - November 12. "Darth Visor" against his old team. This one will be fun to watch no matter how both teams are doing to this point. SC has the home field but the Gators have the better talent. Could come down to one big play at the end.

7. Texas Vs. Ohio State - September 10. I'd never thought I'd hear myself say this but... "Hook 'em Horns!"

8. Pitt Vs. Louisville - November 3. Pitt visits Papa John Stadium and gets smacked around by eventual Big East champs, Louisville.

9. Kansas St. Vs. Marshall - September 10. What in the world was K-State thinking taking a game AT Marshall? The Herd will be solid again and this could get embarassing for the Wildcats.

10. Vandy Vs. Wake Forest - September 1. First game of the season. Aaaahh, you can smell it in the air. Plus, both teams will be surprisingly well matched and this will be close. I'm hoping the Commodores roll out with a win.

Why College Football Fans Are Idiots...

I love college football. To me it is by far the greatest sport of them all. I love the fact that there are 117 schools competing. I love the upsets (except when my Nitts are on the losing end). I love the traditions. I love that there are "big games" each week which makes the whole season one giant playoff. Coincedentally, I'm probably one of the few college football fans who doesn't really care that there isn't a post-season playoff. I love the bowl games. From the New Orleans Bowl to the Rose Bowl, they're all great. I wish there were more. I look at it as one of the reasons college football is so unique and special... but I digress.

One of the things that is so great about college football (and really any sport for that matter) are the debates... Who would win if so and so played so and so? Do you think we'll get blah-blah-blah recruit? Etc, etc. But one thing I can't stand about college football fan debates are the idiots. Fans who change their attitudes/opinions with the direction of the wind. Short-sighted idiots who never look at the big picture. I think it has a lot to do with the chat room/sports talk culture we live in these days. People feel they have this entitlement to tell other people what they are doing wrong... and yes, I recognize the irony of saying that in a "Blog". I bring this up because for a while now I've had to endure an onslaught of criticism of my beloved Nittany Lions and their legendary coach, Joe Paterno. I'm just completely bugged out by "fans" who are constantly negative about the Lions and just want to see Joepa fired. They point to programs like USC and Oklahoma and say, "Why can't we be more like them?" So it occured to me, do all of these schmucks suffer from long term memory loss? You can look at every "great" program in the country and point to a time in their not to distant past when they were less than stellar. Many for a good long time. I found a great resource for www.cfbdatawarehouse.com. Here's a quick breakdown...

1. USC. Does everyone forget the Larry Smith - John Robinson-Paul Hackett era of the 90s when the Trojans were perennial PAC-10 also-rans? I remember when the excuse for USC being so bad was the fact that they were located near Compton, CA. Here's some low-lights...

• 1991: 3-8 (Including a loss to Memphis!)
• 1992: 6-5-1 (Tied San Diego St)
• 1999: 6-6
• 2000: 5-7

2. Oklahoma. Another team that has achieved "flavor of the month" status but until Bob Stoops arrived... they sucked out loud for years!!

• 1995: 5-5-1
• 1996: 3-8(Lost to TCU, Tulsa, San Diego St, & Kansas to start the season)
• 1997: 4-7 (Lost to Kansas again and beat Baylor by 1 freakin' point)
• 1998: 5-6

3. Nebraska. These guys were unstoppable in the 90s and then fired their coach because the fans were dissatisfied with 9 wins... that makes a ton of sense.

• 2004: 5-6 (including a loss to Southern Miss)

4. Miami. The Hurricances have always seemed to be on top... but in 1997 a Butch Davis led Hurricane team finished a disappointing 5-6 with losses to the likes of Pitt & West Virginia.

5. Ohio State. The John Cooper era was full of up and down seasons. Including:

• 1988: 4-6-1 (with losses to Pitt & Indiana)
• 1999: 6-6

That doesn't even include the well documented shortcomings of programs such as Notre Dame and Alabama.

The bottom line is this no one is "entitled" to anything and sooner or later a few bad seasons happen to every program. I'm okay with people who are critical of the Lions/Joepa following a game or a season but the idiotic dog-piling that has gone on for over 2-years now is ridiculous.

Go Lions!

My New Favorite Comic Strip is 'Ziggy'...

The Pens keep stock-piling the talent and look to easily become the team most improved by the new NHL CBA. This past weekend the Penguin's acquired All-Star winger Ziggy Palffy and add to a roster chock-full of high scoring talent. Let's recap shall we...

• Pens won the Crosby lottery and select the phenom #1 overall
• Pens sign offensive, defenseman Sergei Gonchar
• Pens add 40+ goals per season in Ziggy Palffy
• The greatest EVER, #66 is well rested and ready for one more Stanley Cup push
• The Reckin' Ball, Mark Recchi returns to help fill up the net
• Phenom #2, Malkin should be on a plane from Russia very soon
• Returning leading goal scorer Ryan Malone... check
• Perennial under-achiever but super-talented Milan Kraft... check

Are there enough pucks to go around in Pittsburgh?

I can't speak for the rest of NHL fans but speaking as a Penguins fan here's what I can't wait to see this season...

• I can't wait see Mario dish to Sidney (across 2-lines without a penalty, mind you) in the open ice for a break-away goal.
• I can't wait to see Andre Roy give Matthew Barnaby a nice knuckle sandwich.
• I can't wait to see the Recchi-Lemieux-Crosby-Palffy-Gonchar power play.
• I can't wait to see the first overtime shootout where #66 buries the game winner.
• I can't wait to see the headline, "Pens beat Philly, 10-5".
• I can't wait hear Mike Lang's first "Scratch my back with a hacksaw."
• I can't wait to see the Pens in the playoffs... again.

"The Loney Watch"... who will be next?

The stories you are about to read are true. Neither has been fabricated or embellished in anyway. No names have been changed to protect the innocent. These are the tales of two cousins and their chance meetings with a once famed, now obscure Pittsburgh Penguin.

The first encounter happened over one year ago, on the small island of St. Lucia in the south Caribbean. My wife and I had just begun our honeymoon at the beautiful and secluded Jalousie Resort. The island and resort were awesome although surprisingly there were not many Americans there, mostly Europeans. Around 8pm our first night on the island, we stroll over to one of the resort restaurants for dinner. We are seated on a quiet deck away from the main dining area and noise of the band that was playing that evening. My wife and I are enjoying a drink and our view of the ocean when the couple at the table next to us caught my attention.

There was nothing unusually special about them other than they seem to be lacking the British accent I had now grown accustomed to hearing on the island. However, there was something oddly familiar about the gentlemen. He had reddish-blonde hair, an athletic build, and a very familiar face. I immediately began scanning my mental rollidex of faces/names and after 2 or 3 minutes of pondering it hit me. This was former Pittsburgh Penguin and Stanley Cup winner, Troy Loney! I was struck by the randomness of the siting but at the same time excited that I remembered who he was and that, in my mind anyway, we were dining with someone famous.

I leaned into my wife and asked, "Do you know who that is next to us?"

"No. Who?" she replied.

"That's Troy Loney!" I exclaimed, as if my wife would have even a clue who Troy Loney is, let alone be impressed by his presence.

"I don't know who Troy Loney is." my Michigan born-bride said plainly.

I immediately began to explain who he was, his significance to the Stanley Cup winning Penguins, and even told her about his string of consecutive games with a goal and what was known as the "Loney Watch". My wife was not nearly as impressed as I was and I knew that I would have to wait until I returned to the States and tell all my Pittsburgh Penguin brethren in order to get the appropriate reaction.

The spotting of Troy Loney in St. Lucia seemed, at the time, like a completely random event that would go down as a chance meeting. I know now that there is something more cosmic involved with my meeting and that the "Loney Watch" has more significant meaning than it did in the mid-90s. You will understand better after hearing this second story as told through the words of my cousin (and longtime Penguins fan) Harry Vargo...

I was at a meeting this past week in Pittsburgh. It was a finalist meeting for a company that was looking for pharmacy benefits. There were three groups presenting I was in the middle group. We got to the meeting about 15 minutes early. I was pretty excited to be in the Burgh it always feels special each time I go through the Squirrel Hill tunnel and eventually make my way towards downtown. When I finally see the stadium it is like being a little kid again. I just get excited. I almost get in an accident everytime I cross one of the bridges because I am always looking back at the stadium just trying to take it all in. I was getting excited and it is only August. But I digress. So I am in the reception area of this manufacturing building when all of the sudden the doors open and the group that was presenting first is starting to leave. I was eyeing them up trying to gauge the competition. I start looking at each of the people coming out when a tall guy, about 6'1 with shoulder length blondish/reddish hair walks out. I know this guy but I can't put a name to him. He walks over to me and says, "We are in trouble they are way taller than we are." I just smile and say hi but I can't quite place him. The group leaves and I am still thinking who is this guy. As we walk into the meeting the sales leader turns to me and says,"Do you know who that is?" I say no but I know I know him. He says that the person that I am competing for business against is none other than Troy Loney. The Loney Watch is back. Apparently he is selling pharmacy benefits now, definitely a step up in his career path. He looked a lot smaller than I thought he would be. None the less it was Troy Loney. My mind starts racing. I am competing against Troy Loney and it is time to put the game face on. I give one of the best presentations I have ever given. I was like a spark plug. I was untouchable, I had this group spinning with my knowledge. As I concluded my presentation I asked if there were any questions. After a few more dazzling answers I thank the group for having me and I say, "I want to say one last thing, I guarantee Troy Loney did not give a clinical presentation like I just gave you." The room went crazy they were laughing like crazy. I think I heard Dr. Who in the background. Not sure if we will get the business, but if we don't I know it is not because Troy Loney outperformed me.

So there it is folks. Two seemingly unrelated, unconnected chance encounters by two blood relatives (and Penguins fans) with a semi-famous ex-Pittsburgh Penguin. It is clear that there is a higher power at work here. The only thing left to say is...

"The 'Loney Watch' is on. Who will be next?"

It goes together like college football and fast food...

They say imitation is the sincerist form of flattery. If that's the case then the person responsible for sexy-results.blogspot.com should be blushing right about now.

In this blog (thanks to my good friend, Abe "the WolfPack are Back" Mathew for the forward) this guy matches up college football programs with hip-hop stars. It's definitely worth the read, even if you don't have any idea who half these rappers are. FYI, PSU is hip-hop founder KRS-One. Check out the blog for the rationale why.

So here's my take on that topic... College Football Programs and the fast food chains that most closely resemble them.

McDonald's and Miami (FL)









Both are giants in their respective fields but poor management has required them to reinvent their brand several times over. You can't go 3 feet without running into one (be it an NFL lockerroom or city street) and a lot of their final products are of questionable integrity (Ray Lewis=McRib) even if they are really good!

Bojangles and Wake Forest









Small southern brands. Most people disrespect them when they see the goofy logo for the first time but give them a shot and they will make you a fan. Can't visit them/watch them on a consistent basis because their product isn't always top quality. Head to head with the big dogs in their field and they can hold their own.

Burger King and Syracuse











Used to be a contender with the big boys, now they are distant also-rans. Both have out-dated facilities and goofy mascots.

Subway and Maryland








Burst into national prominence in recent years after a fat guy took over as spokesman/coach. Friedgen tried to lose the weight, Jared did. They always promise a fresh alternative to what's out there but in the end they're always a disappointment.

Texas and Pizza Hut








Every year there's something new to hype. Big new recruiting class, new cheese stuffed something or other. In the end it's the same results, a mediocre product that makes you sick to your stomach.



Alabama and KFC







Longtime national powers, now trying to find their edge again. They both still have a natural advantage over their competition but still can't seem to get it done. Both have recently tried a new look (Bama=Shula, KFC=Logo) to shake things up.

Pitt and Hardees









Can't get folks through the doors. New look, same crap product. Always think they are in competition with the big boys when in reality they are second class citizens. Use flashy performers to sell their otherwise dwindling brand. (Larry Fitzgerald=Paris Hilton)

I'll admit my list isn't quite as in-depth as sexy-results but mine makes you want a big greasy burger and fries. Feel free to add your own. More comparisons to come...

"All We Are Saying... Is Give M-Rob a Chance"

As the college football season quickly approaches its time for what has become an annual tradition for fair-weather PSU fans... bash Joe Paterno and Penn State. In a recent "PA Homestyle Sports" Blog on PennLive.com new blogger, Steven Ibanez picks up where his predecessor, Mark Bodenrader, left off.

What JoePa and JayPa have managed to do with PSU's recruiting classes is
embarrassing. If they can't pull out a winning season this year, Pitt might
really dominate recruiting.

Huh? What's really "embarrassing" are these "critics" who quickly forget all that Joe has accomplished and how, even in the past few year's struggles, he's still managed to recruit some of the greatest talent in the country.

Ibanez goes on to jump on starting QB Michael Robinson. Pointing to a review of the Nitts on Badgernation.com of all places. His opinion? The Lions should make the move to Sophmore, Anthony Morelli ASAP. OOO, so original.

Look, I for one would love it if Anthony Morelli were the second coming of Dan Marino. Fact is, he's not ready. M-Rob is talented enough to be an effective starting QB at PSU. However, you can't judge him by his previous performances behind center. Robinson was asked to juggle too many roles/positions and was never quite settled in to be an effective QB when called upon. Time will tell whether M-Rob will excel as a starting QB or wind up as a WR. You just can't judge him before he's had a fare shot.

Finally, with the announcement of the retirement of Wisconsin head coach Barry Alzarez, the press is already fawning over the phenomenal job he has done in Madison and swirling around Joepa asking why he doesn't follow Barry out the door. No disrespect to Coach Alvarez, I think he's a fine coach, but how many national championships did he win at Wisconsin? None. How many undefeated seasons has he had during his 15-year tenure as head coach of the Badgers? None. I'm still shocked by the incredible short sightedness of some "Penn State fans" and the press. Coach Paterno did deserve to be criticized for his failings the past few seasons. However, in my opinion, what he's done for the program and university and his overall record demand that we give him a clean slate at the start of every season, for as long as we are fortunate enough to call him coach.

Steelers Begin Spiral into Insanity...

What is up with Kevin Colbert and the Rooneys? They don't even realize the incredible mistake they are making.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I've always admired the Rooneys because they seemed to have their act together. Very principled, very team focused. That's what you're looking for in football team and that's what you have in #86, Hines Ward. Quite simply, the best player the Steelers have seen since the glory years of the 70s.

The Steelers have officially stopped negotiating with Hines because he hasn't reported to camp. Hines won't report to camp without a new contract. Why? Simply because the Rooneys couldn't get a deal worked out in the 12-months since calling Hines "THE PRIORITY" of this off-season. There is nothing more infuriating than this as a fan.

The Steelers are willing to play without Ward, why? Because that's their policy. Ever heard of the exception to the rule? Well, Hines Ward is THE definition of "exception to the rule".

By the way Mr. Rooney, how many TD catches are you planning to get out of those "policies" this fall!!

Knock off the B.S. already!! Get this deal done.

When it come to 'Hines'. Pour it on...

The Steelers and star wide receiver Hines Ward are in a stalemate on his new contract extension. As reported in the Post Gazette, Hines is understandably peeved that the negotiations with the Steelers have gone so slowly thus far. This is the same team that said 12-months ago that getting Ward an extension is the #1 priority this offseason. One must wonder how much of a "priority" Ward truly is to the Steelers if #1 draft choice Heath Miller has a contract finished but the Steelers still haven't worked out a deal for their MVP.

I'm a big fan of the Rooney's and how they run the Steelers. I like that they don't bowdown to every big-name free agent and hot head (i.e. Plaxico Burress) when it comes time to assemble their roster. BUT... dealing with Hines Ward, unquestionably the best player on the team, the most popular athlete in Pittsburgh, AND exactly the type of player the ipitomizes the Steelers "working class" persona, in this hap-hazard fashion is not just stupid, it's down right insulting.

Is there a Steeler fan anywhere who thinks the team will win half their games this year without Hines Ward? Whose going to catch the passes from Big Ben? Lee Mays? The Rooney's need to wake up and realize that dangling #86 out on a limb this close to the season could turn out to be their worst move EVER. Worse than Franco in a Seahawks uniform, worse than Jamaine Stephens, and worse than letting Rod Woodson go... combined.

The ONLY headline I (and Steeler fans everywhere) want to see out of Latrobe this year is this... "Steelers, Ward work out deal. Hines in camp."

Bow down to his superior quarters skills...

I found this video clip of the world's best quarters player. It is both amazing and sad at the same time but worth watching none the less...

Quarters King

More Underrated Movie Quotes...

Not much new in my world to discuss so here's my second take on a familiar topic...

"Most Underrated Movie Quotes Ever..."

• "First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado. Anyone want to see second prize?... Second place is a set of steak knives... Third place is 'your fired'." - Blake (played by Alec Baldwin)- Glengary, Glen Ross
• "Golf is for guys with goofy pants and a fat ass. Talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer, huge ass." - Happy Gilmore
• "This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff." - Napoleon Dynamite
• "Do you mind if I name my first child after you? Dipshit Knight has a nice ring to it." - Chris Knight (played by Val Kilmer) - Real Genius

The Pens Win the Lottery...

Is there nothing that Mario Lemieux can't accomplish in Pittsburgh?

The man who single-handedly saved the franchise on at least two different occassions, once as an 18 year old draft choice and once when he acquired the team as owner, has used his uncanny streak of good luck to bring home the NHL equivalent to Powerball lottery... Sidney Crosby.

Granted I don't follow Canadian Junior League hockey but from everything I've read and heard, Crosby maybe a younger, less injured version of the "man" in Pittsburgh himself, Mario. As someone who regards Lemieux as the greatest athlete in Pittsburgh history I say, "Let's hope so." Crosby's been refered to the NHL's Lebron James and every team in the league salivated over the prospect of drafting him.

But only one team, through the saving grace of Super Mario himself, was able to land him.

Scratch my back with a hacksaw! Super Mario scores again!

In Cuban We Trust...

Spotted a few nights ago, enjoying a game at PNC Park was media-mogul/Dallas Maverick's owner/Pittsburgh native Mark Cuban. According to an article in the Post-Gazette, fans were in full swing trying to entice the free-spending Cuban into making a pitch for the cash-strapped Pittsburgh Pirates.

Despite several requests from the local media for interviews, the usually camera-hogging Cuban declined comment. Instead, the NBA owner sat near Pirates current owner Kevin McClatchy, his lips sealed.

While both McClatchy and Cuban deny any formal discussion on the sale of the Pirates, I think it's safe to read between the lines...

• Cuban denies opportunity to be interview. Probably upon the request of McClatchy who wants to keep things underwraps until the sale is more nailed down. Let's face it. When has Cuban EVER denied someone an interview?
• Cuban and his entourage sitting in McClatchy's section. Come on. If you're trying to cover something up, at least put Cuban in another part of the stadium.
• Cuban "says" he would buy the Pirates ONLY if the team were in danger of moving or being sold. When AREN'T the Pirates in danger of that?

Who wouldn't want to see Cuban buy the Buccos? He would instantly put the team back in baseball's "land of the living". Suddenly, ESPN would care a little more about the Bucs, other than when they were playing the Cubs or the Cardinals. PNC Park would attract more fans, more media, and MORE MONEY. As evidence of the turn around he performed with the Mavs, Cuban would help to resurrect a team that hasn't competed for the playoffs in over 10 years. Pittsburgh wouldn't be a revolving door for young talent (i.e. Barry Bonds, Jason Kendall, Brian Giles, and [coming soon] Jason Bay) because they can't afford to keep them. When good free agents become available, Pittsburgh would be a viable contender for their services.

Cuban is South Hills native who relishes the spotlight. Here's hoping he finds a big bright one on the shores of the 3 rivers.

Marty, Kovi back in Da 'Burgh?

According to an ESPN.com team-by-team status report the Pens maybe poised to "put the old band back together again". Because of their extremely low, current cap figure and potential cuts by other teams, Mario and the Pens could bring Pittsburgh favorites Martin Straka and Alexi Kovalev back to Mellon Arena.

I have to admit I'm torn on this issue. Half of me wants to see the boys back on the ice together the other half wants the Pens to move on and continue to rebuild with their "youth movement". I guess in the end, Mario will try to have his cake and it eat it to. It certainly won't hurt initial fan interest in Pittsburgh to see Mario, Kovi, Straka, and the Reckin' Ball on the ice together again. Plus, most of their core group of young talent have been locked up. for the forseeable future.

And since their looking to sign all these former players, let's see if we can't get "the Moose" back to Pittsburgh...

Most Underrated Movie Quotes Ever...

As usual, I am day late and a dollar short with this entry but for whatever reason I've been inspired today by AFI's 100 Greatest Movie Quotes of All Time list. Their list isn't all that bad, although there are some obvious omissions... "Coffee is for closers!" - Glengarry, Glenross

As usual here is my take on this subject, in no particluar order or ranking. Just some of the MOST UNDERRATED MOVIE QUOTES EVER. You are welcome to comment, however all judges' decisions are final...

"Say something, Fred." - Snowman (played by Jerry Reed), Smokey and the Bandit

"Great. Super-duper. We are making records." - Jimmy Wing (played by Judd Nelson), Airheads

"Oh really. Where they hosing him down?!?" - Pee Wee, Pee Wee's Big Adventure

"You're stuck playing nursemaid to bunch of garlic eaters." - Mr. Potter, It's a Wonderful Life

"Don't hit my sore ear again!" - young George Bailey, It's a Wonderful Life

"I like listening to your little piss-ant soldiers talk tough. They make me laugh. If Matrix were here, he'd laugh too." - Bennett, Commando

"Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria!" - Dr. Peter Venkmen (played by Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

"If he were an ice cream flavor he'd be pralines... and dick." - Garth (played by Dana Carvey), Wayne's World

"...I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul." - High School Principal, Billy Madison

More later...

TomCruiseIsNuts.com...

No doubt inspired by my previous post, I stumbled across this new, and coincidentally very funny, website www.TomCruiseIsNuts.com. The site presents a comprehensive overview of Tom Cruise's nuttyness over the recent past.

This will now conclude my blog entries focused on Tom Cruise. All future references will be limited to his film work in the Johnstown, PA area while playing a football player at Ampipe High.

Chat Room From Hell...

Every once in a while I feel the need to roam on over to the Pennlive.com Penn State Football Chatroom and see what the naysayers are thinking these days. Reading that stuff is sort of my reality check on how many idiots still exist in the world. (As if I needed any more proof!)

Anyway, it's the typical anti-Joepa sentiment... Why doesn't he move on? Why can't we be more like USC or Oklahoma? Boo hoo, we lost another recruit to Wannestadt and Pitt. Blah, blah, blah...

Well here is an open letter that I have written for those chatroom freaks...

Dear Freaks,

What is going on in your life?!? If you spent half the energy you spend bashing Penn State football and criticizing Joepa on something constructive, you might actually accomplish something in life... like getting a date or taking a shower.

Please, for your mother's sake, stop the madness!

Thank you.

Signed,
Normal (Joepa-loving) Penn State fans

Zack Mills Out at the World Series of Poker...

According to an article in the The Daily Collegian, former PSU Quarterback Zack Mills won a seat at this year's "World Series of Poker" and stayed alive through the round of 1,900.

In doing some further research, I see that Zack has since been eliminated from the tourney.

I cannot yet confirm if Zack was forced out of the tournament by an on-slaught of Wisconsin Badger D-Lineman. I'll keep you posted...

Tom Cruise IS nuts...

I've read several blogs recently commenting on Tom Cruise's recent ventures into nutty-ness and I'm finally ready to make my own rant on his wack-o "religion" and the Hollywood schmucks that practice it.

By now it's no secret that Tom Cruise has taken on the cause to spread the word of the "church" of scientology. For those of you still wondering about this pseudo-religion, let me sum it up for you... Anyone ever see the movie "Battlefield Earth" with John Travolta? (cricket chirps) No? Well, that crap film was written by the same nut-job (L. Ron Hubbard) who created the "church" of scientology and from what I understand many of the principles and history of the "church" are outlined in that abyssmal film.

In scientology, Hubbard proposes that an alien-lord named "Xenu" sent bad spirits to exist on earth over 75 million years ago. Scientologists believe that these "bad" spirits cause most of the mental illness and other issues we suffer from as residents of this planet. Furthermore, they believe scientology is the only religion that can address and "cure" us of said illnesses. (Pause for uncontrollable laughter.)

I know what you're thinking, WHERE DO I SIGN UP??!!

Truth be told, scientology has about as much to do with faith and religion as visiting Krispy Kream twice a day has to do with losing weight. The "church" requires large financial donations to join and even more donations to show that you are making "progress" on your quest to eliminate what scientologists call "preclears". They use ridiculous electronic devices to measure your well-being and strictly forbid psychiatry (as evidenced by Tom Cruises tirade on the "Today Show") for treatment of mental illnesses.

If you ask me the whole thing smacks of an Amway-style pyramid scheme... you join, pay us lots of money for useless products/services and receive all these "benefits" (i.e. spiritual enlightenment), then you convince other friends/ family to join, they pay us even more money and you receive even more "benefits" (spirtual enlightenment)! That makes Tom Cruise the equivalent of that sleazy neighbor whose always dropping by your house to talk to you about a "great new business opportunity".

Unfortunately, the once quite-cute Katie Holmes has signed up for this spirtual-Amway. Let's pray she comes to her senses before these scientology wack-os have her peddling their "religion" to Dawson and Pacey!

Here's a short list of celebrity scientologists so that the next time you see one of these folks on TV or in the movies you can say to yourself, "Dude, what's up with Xenu?"

• Tom Cruise (celebrity wack-o #1)
• John Travolta (celebrity wack-o #2)
• Leah Remini ("King of Queens" and Zack's summertime girlfriend on "Saved By the Bell")
• Greta Van Susteren (creepy-faced chick from Fox News)
• Kirstie Alley (bloated, Diane-replacement from "Cheers")
• Giovanni Ribisi (ironically, in most of his acting roles he "acts" mentally challenged. How does your precious scientology feel about that Ribisi?)

"Blood drives are a pyramid scheme perpetuated by Dracula and his night slaves."- Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Lions Beginning to Rise from the Ashes...

While traveling this weekend I stopped by an airport newstand and skimmed the always popular (and ridiculously early) preseason College Football Magazines. Looks like some folks in the "know" are starting to put the Nittany Lions back on the national landscape...

• Phil Steele (who claims to have the most accurate preseason rankings among all the mags.) has Joepa's boys ranked the highest at #19
• Lindy's puts the Nitt's at #25 in the nation.
• CollegeFootballNews.com - #26 (read a complete run down from the site here.)
• NationalChamps.net - #25 (more info) - I can't take much stock in this one, even though I appreciate the top 25 ranking. These guys have Anthony Morelli as the "Offensive Star" and an expelled EZ Smith as the starting center.

If anyone out there has any other preseason predictions of note for the Lions. Please post your comments.